Postcode MK43 9HOLE
"Congratulations to the pothole on the A428, which has now been open longer than the Bedford leisure centre, two branches of Blockbuster Video, and the brief period in 2021 when the council had a functioning website. Royal Mail has confirmed it will begin delivering to it from September."
All Sketches
The Clapham Roundabout Incident
Sat-nav instructed to "leave at the third exit." Driver last seen entering the roundabout in October 2019. Police are following several leads, all of which loop back to the B530.
Bin Day
Area resident fined after recycling inspector determined that a cardboard pizza box "still smells of pizza," constituting food contamination. The box had been composted. The fine stands.
Sausage Roll Crisis
Bedford declared a Level 2 pastry emergency after the Greggs on the High Street ran out of vegan sausage rolls at 9 a.m. for the third Tuesday running. A crisis helpline has been established.
The Thameslink Apology
The 07:42 Bedford to St Pancras is delayed due to "a signal failure, a leaf, a brief existential crisis at Flitwick, and an ongoing dispute with the concept of punctuality."
Neighbour Dispute
Man submits planning objection to neighbour's garden gnome on grounds that it is "overbearing, out of keeping with the local character, and frankly smirking." Case listed for Q3 2027.
Luton Departures
Departures board at Luton Airport now includes a new destination: "Anywhere That Isn't Luton." Flights depart every 40 minutes and are always delayed by 25.
The Wrestlingworth Village Fete
The tombola was won by someone who didn't buy a ticket. The judge for the Victoria sponge competition was later found to have been the vicar's sister. A formal inquiry is expected by Easter.
The Oakley Arms Pub Quiz
Tie-break question: "Name the five boroughs of Bedfordshire." Three teams answered. One listed Milton Keynes. One listed Milton Keynes twice. The question was retired.
The Public Consultation
Twelve residents attended the consultation on the proposed Ampthill relief road. The council noted all twelve objections, thanked everyone for their input, and proceeded exactly as originally planned.
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