Council Unveils Visionary 2050 Plan; Sub-Committee Formed to Plan the Planning of the Plan

Local government has unveiled its most ambitious document yet: a strategic blueprint so far-reaching that officials admit they will need a separate plan simply to keep track of the original plan.

“The 2050 Plan is a once-in-a-generation framework,” explained a spokesperson for the fictional Department of Forward Thinking, gesturing at a flowchart that had achieved the size and complexity of a large regional rail network. “Naturally, before we could begin the plan, we first had to plan how we would plan it. And before that, a scoping exercise to scope the scope. We’re now entering what we call the pre-preliminary phase, which precedes the preliminary phase, which itself comes before the bit where anything happens.”

A roadmap to the roadmap

To support the effort, the council has reportedly established a Plan Planning Sub-Committee, whose first act was to commission a feasibility study into whether feasibility studies are feasible. The findings — expected in 2049 — will be consulted upon, reviewed, consulted upon again, and then placed in a library where residents may admire it during opening hours.

A draft timetable seen by no one in particular runs to several hundred pages and includes such milestones as “Decide What Year It Is”, “Form Working Group to Define the Word ‘Future’”, and “Allocate Land for Things, Possibly.” Insiders describe morale as cautiously procedural.

“People keep asking when the houses arrive,” the spokesperson sighed. “And I keep telling them: we can’t possibly build anything until we’ve finished the strategy that explains how we’ll one day decide where the strategy might allow us to think about building. It’s about doing things properly.”

Looking ahead, and ahead, and ahead

Residents were broadly supportive, if slightly dazed. “I admire the long-term thinking,” said one local, who asked to remain hypothetical. “By 2050 I’ll be retired, my children will be middle-aged, and the consultation on the consultation will finally have closed. It’s nice to have something to look forward to.”

The council insists the deliberate pace is a strength. “Anyone can rush out a plan,” the spokesperson concluded. “We’re not just planning for the future — we’re planning the planning of it, and frankly that deserves its own commemorative timetable.”

At the time of going to press, a new sub-group had been formed to plan the celebration of the eventual completion of the plan, provisionally pencilled in for a date to be confirmed by a date-confirming panel.

This article is satire. It was inspired by the genuinely sensible news that the borough has begun work on a real long-term Local Plan — a normal and useful part of how places grow.